hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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