I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
