mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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