I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
