So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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