i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize
