Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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