i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
