somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
