I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Couch. On fire.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
