But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
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He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
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Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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