just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
