So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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