She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
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