whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
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My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
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