Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
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his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
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I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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