just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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