I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
