she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
