So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
