we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Randomize
