woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
