I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
