i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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