My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
