im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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