and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Less talking, more tequila
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize