i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
