who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
