Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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