I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I have aggressive nipples.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
