I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize