and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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