i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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