found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
