On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
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