The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
