You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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