Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
