our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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