The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
