He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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