i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I think I swiped left on my soulmate