How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
This is the high leading the old right now
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
