I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We need to get me chipped asap
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
