we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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