Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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