I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
