I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
