It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
