there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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