Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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