i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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