Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
