The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
