But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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