he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Oh god it's open bar.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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