I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
